Lately I've been obsessed with this site www.ruminations.com. I also like to talk to my friend Wes on gmail everyday. When I found out that Wes was an only child, I took it upon myself to act like the big sister he never had. Which means I tell him when he's wrong, his jokes aren't funny and just give unsolicited advice that he doesn't appreciate.
This conversation with Wes might have been my favorite EVER.
2:14 PM me: i cant stop ruminiating wes
2:18 PM Wes: its fun
2:25 PM Wes: i feel like the site has gotten worse though, half of the top ruminations aren't even funny, not at all, anymore
2:26 PM me: oh god wes. im going to write one where i complain about people who complain that things were always better "before"
2:27 PM Wes: yeah, those people are annoying
me: right!
Wes: wait, you're making fun of me
damn you
2:29 PM me: lol that was beautiful
www.ruminations.com/Erin214
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
oh New York, I love you...
Now that I am officially leaving my beloved NYC, I've decided to do some reflecting on my time here. I have learned a lot living here...
Here is a start of a running list of little things every girl needs to know when moving to the city:
- Most space issue problems on the subway can be solved with a death stare into the offender's eyes. If that doesn't work, an "accidental" bump with a gym bag works too.
- Happy Hour is not an hour. Or two. It's seven. On a Monday.
- Because no one drives, there is no need for a designated driver and therefore no need for restraint at the bar.
- Brunching is an art form.
- It is essential to food google and yelp for at least an hour before you commit to picking a restaurant or bar.
- Commuter shoes are perfectly acceptable. Commuter shoes in NYC are not the white tennis shoes with nude panty hose like you see in DC. They are converse in the fall, slip flops in the summer, Uggs (if you must) in the winter and rain boots in the rain.
- I said this when I first moved here and I stand by my statement. Any and every man you know has and will pee on the street.
- People from New Jersey don't really think jokes about New Jersey are funny. I thought EVERYONE made fun of Jersey, even if you were from there. I plan on making fun of Jersey for the rest of my life.
- You can do all your grocery shopping at the bodega downstairs if you really need to.
- Just because I don't have a car doesn't mean I don't have road rage anymore. Now I have walking rage. And sometimes, when I'm wearing headphones, I don't realize that other people can hear me when I yell, "Jesus Christ asshole, walk or get the fuck out of the way!" But, I don't apologize. They should walk or get the fuck out of the way. It's just like driving. Stay on your side and watch for oncoming traffic. Dumbass.
- Just when you think you've seen everything a man will walk out of his house, pull down his pants and take a dump on the street.
- I disagree that New Yorkers aren't friendly. I've made amazing friends in the city.
- There's nothing that makes me love New York more than running the big loop in Central Park on a perfect sunny day.
- If you show up to your Total Body Class at the gym and the teacher is zero body fat gay man in a baby tee and skin tight shorts with a man thong sticking out the back, do not think you are getting a free ride, easy class. You will do squats and lunges until you cry listening to remixes of Cher and Britney and he will out lunge the woman with the tightest ass in the class.
- Taxis are annoying and always a last resort.
- There is no excuse to eat crappy food. This city is filled with amazing food and you should be picky.
- Delivery everything is a way of life. Food, laundry, groceries...Getting my cat food and litter delivered was the best thing I've ever done.
- Dropping off laundry to have it done is essential. The first time I hauled 20 pounds of dirty clothes down 4 flights of stairs, down the block, did 5 loads and hauled it all back upstairs, I got over some random person touching my dirty underwear and let them do it.
- I love celebrity sightings and always will.
- When it's hot, hundreds of people lay out in Central Park in bathing suits like they are the beach but there is no water to swim in.
- I've gotten locked IN my apartment two times. One time I had to beat on my own door when I heard someone in the hallway and slide my keys under the door for them to unlock my door.
- I've brushed my teeth in the kitchen sink for a year and half because my apartment is so small that I don't have a sink in the bathroom.
- Apartment walls are thin. Don't call your neighbor a cunt right after you shut the door in her face. It makes for an awkward morning.
- Fruit guys on the corner are how I get through the day. I will miss them.
I have way more. This is just a start.
Here is a start of a running list of little things every girl needs to know when moving to the city:
- Most space issue problems on the subway can be solved with a death stare into the offender's eyes. If that doesn't work, an "accidental" bump with a gym bag works too.
- Happy Hour is not an hour. Or two. It's seven. On a Monday.
- Because no one drives, there is no need for a designated driver and therefore no need for restraint at the bar.
- Brunching is an art form.
- It is essential to food google and yelp for at least an hour before you commit to picking a restaurant or bar.
- Commuter shoes are perfectly acceptable. Commuter shoes in NYC are not the white tennis shoes with nude panty hose like you see in DC. They are converse in the fall, slip flops in the summer, Uggs (if you must) in the winter and rain boots in the rain.
- I said this when I first moved here and I stand by my statement. Any and every man you know has and will pee on the street.
- People from New Jersey don't really think jokes about New Jersey are funny. I thought EVERYONE made fun of Jersey, even if you were from there. I plan on making fun of Jersey for the rest of my life.
- You can do all your grocery shopping at the bodega downstairs if you really need to.
- Just because I don't have a car doesn't mean I don't have road rage anymore. Now I have walking rage. And sometimes, when I'm wearing headphones, I don't realize that other people can hear me when I yell, "Jesus Christ asshole, walk or get the fuck out of the way!" But, I don't apologize. They should walk or get the fuck out of the way. It's just like driving. Stay on your side and watch for oncoming traffic. Dumbass.
- Just when you think you've seen everything a man will walk out of his house, pull down his pants and take a dump on the street.
- I disagree that New Yorkers aren't friendly. I've made amazing friends in the city.
- There's nothing that makes me love New York more than running the big loop in Central Park on a perfect sunny day.
- If you show up to your Total Body Class at the gym and the teacher is zero body fat gay man in a baby tee and skin tight shorts with a man thong sticking out the back, do not think you are getting a free ride, easy class. You will do squats and lunges until you cry listening to remixes of Cher and Britney and he will out lunge the woman with the tightest ass in the class.
- Taxis are annoying and always a last resort.
- There is no excuse to eat crappy food. This city is filled with amazing food and you should be picky.
- Delivery everything is a way of life. Food, laundry, groceries...Getting my cat food and litter delivered was the best thing I've ever done.
- Dropping off laundry to have it done is essential. The first time I hauled 20 pounds of dirty clothes down 4 flights of stairs, down the block, did 5 loads and hauled it all back upstairs, I got over some random person touching my dirty underwear and let them do it.
- I love celebrity sightings and always will.
- When it's hot, hundreds of people lay out in Central Park in bathing suits like they are the beach but there is no water to swim in.
- I've gotten locked IN my apartment two times. One time I had to beat on my own door when I heard someone in the hallway and slide my keys under the door for them to unlock my door.
- I've brushed my teeth in the kitchen sink for a year and half because my apartment is so small that I don't have a sink in the bathroom.
- Apartment walls are thin. Don't call your neighbor a cunt right after you shut the door in her face. It makes for an awkward morning.
- Fruit guys on the corner are how I get through the day. I will miss them.
I have way more. This is just a start.
Monday, February 2, 2009
stop it
Dear MTB wearers,
Those "shoes" are not lifting and toning your ass. They are not making your thighs rock hard. They are not getting rid of cellulite. They are simply making you look like a dick and stumble around, getting in my way on the street because you can't balance to step up on a curb. Those shoes look like moon boots and no matter what you wear with them, you look stupid. There are no "cool" versions of them. The faux croc ones, the ugg ones, the all black version...ALL BAD.
Get off your ass, do some squats and some lunges and stop eating Cheetos and you will you have no need for those squishy, thick soled asshole "shoes."
xoxo,
Erin
Those "shoes" are not lifting and toning your ass. They are not making your thighs rock hard. They are not getting rid of cellulite. They are simply making you look like a dick and stumble around, getting in my way on the street because you can't balance to step up on a curb. Those shoes look like moon boots and no matter what you wear with them, you look stupid. There are no "cool" versions of them. The faux croc ones, the ugg ones, the all black version...ALL BAD.
Get off your ass, do some squats and some lunges and stop eating Cheetos and you will you have no need for those squishy, thick soled asshole "shoes."
xoxo,
Erin
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